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Short Story

The Naughtiest Boy Helps a Friend

Dumbledore assigns Minerva McGonagall and Severus Snape to teach “sex ed” to Hogwarts’s fourth-years. They manage to find a rainbow in the cloud.

Minerva McGonagall, Severus Snape
3,400 words

Read It On

Oh my god! This is the best McGonagall/Snape I’ve ever read. This beginning was hilarious and the ending … amazing!


This is so hot! I love these two together, and I especially love watching Minerva lose her composure. Wonderful!

Darth Solu

From the very first lines this is absolutely full of gems.

Tea for Lupin

“You cannot be serious.”

“Funnily enough, Severus, that’s exactly what I said.”

Minerva stood in Snape’s office, an amused smirk softening the right angles that normally defined her face.

“And may I surmise from your presence that you were unsuccessful at persuading him to abandon the idea?”
asked Severus.

“When have you ever known Albus to be persuaded by anyone once he has his mind set on something?”

Snape snorted.

She said, “As it happens, I did not attempt to persuade him to abandon the idea.”

“You agree with it?” He was incredulous.

“Yes. As a matter of fact, I think it is long overdue. I don’t especially care to have to tell any more parents that we are sending their daughter home due to her delicate condition. Four girls in the last year alone . . . .” She shuddered.

“I see no reason I should suffer just because the girls in your House aren’t clever enough to keep from germinating,” said a petulant Severus.

Minerva retorted, “If you’ll recall, the last-but-one was from your esteemed House. If the poor, dim thing had been as bad at obscuring charms as she was at contraceptive charms, we might have discovered her condition in time to prevent her waters breaking in the middle of Cuthbert’s class.”

Snape glared at her. “Woke everyone up, at least,” he muttered.

Suppressing a smile, Minerva added, “Besides, I would not be at all surprised to find that the boys responsible for all this . . . fecundity . . . came from Slytherin.”

“That has to be the daftest thing you’ve said today. The members of our two Houses do not fraternise.”

“They may not fraternise, but they do shag,” she corrected. “As much as I hate to cast aspersions on the members of my own sex, I am given to understand that young girls sometimes mistake sullenness for depth.”

“I shall have to remember that,” he said.

“Please do.”

After a moment, he asked morosely, “So this is to be our punishment?”

“I rather think the idea of you speaking to the students on the subject of sex constitutes punishment for them,” Minerva told him.

He sneered back at her, “Somehow, I don’t imagine the girls will consider your advising them on the benefits of keeping their legs closed a great treat.”

In her usual, efficient way, she conceded the point: “I’m sure you’re right. As unpleasant as the prospect is for all concerned, there it is. I suggest we get started on the syllabus. Albus would like to review it within the week.”

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